Do you spend a lot of time looking at the pros and cons but cannot take a decision and take action on the next step? Here are a few tips to help you:

-      Take a calculated risk. Take a small step/action in one direction and see how it feels – if you make a mistake you can alter course later on.

-      Imagine a fork in the road with two or three paths in front of you. Imagine each path is one alternative you are considering. Take one path – what do you see on the path, who is with you, how is the scenery, how are you feeling. Go back to the fork in the road and repeat the process while taking a different path.

-      Listen to your intuition – the part of you that keeps you honest and authentic.

-      Trust yourself even when people around you tell you otherwise.

-      Keep a dream journal – ask a question before you go to sleep and see if the answer will reveal in a dream.

-      Run the “worse case scenario” – ask yourself what is the worse that can happen if this is the wrong choice

I don’t know about you but I was raised to believe that expressing my feelings was a sign of weakness, it was not OK. If I felt hurt or sad I was ridiculed. If I felt joy or happiness I felt guilty because the people around me were serious or sad. If I felt anger I was told I was wrong. My feelings were not heard, acknowledged or validated. I had to appear strong and under control at all times. It was easier on the adults that way. Keeping up appearances was important. What happens with all those unexpressed feelings? Where do they go? They get stuck in our physical and emotional bodies and try to get our attention – by feeling anxious  every time you feel you are not good enough in one area or another, by  lashing out at your husband or children and behaving the same way your parents did or by telling people in your life to toughen up, getting impatient /uncomfortable with them expressing themselves.

When we hide how we truly feel from ourselves or others, when we hide parts of ourselves, feelings of shame and guilt surface. By concealing the truth we make the situation worse.

What can we do about it? First step is self-acceptance. Look at what you consider your faults/ weaknesses/struggles and see if you can accept them as part of who you are. Can you accept yourself as being less than perfect and still love who you are? You can choose to do something about it if you feel they are affecting your life in a negative way or just make peace with how things are.

Bring to your awareness the first time you felt self-conscious about your weaknesses and started to blame yourself. Did you feel like that as a child? What did you need then? Can you imagine yourself as a child and allow emotions to come out? Try to be compassionate and nurturing to yourself as you do this. Find a safe space where you can be alone and undisturbed for a period of time and let your body, your voice, your emotions express fully what they kept hidden for so long. By releasing this energy you create space for new things to come into your life and you can be more present.

Freedom from Perfection – free teleclass – March 31, 10:30 am
For more information and to register please go to www.freedomlifecoaching.com/services/perfection.htm or e-mail me at alexandra@freedomlifecoaching.com

Do you feel overwhelmed with things to do? Take one day, go through your to do list and prioritize:

Do It – Decide what is important to get done and do it right away or put it in your calendar

Ditch It – Decide what doesn’t need to get done – maybe it was on your list for a long time and it is just not important. Remove it from your list. It will come back again if you cannot live without it.

Delegate It – Think of what items you can delegate to your co-workers, your spouse, your children or your friends. You have nothing to lose if you ask for help.

Do you find yourself busy and tired most of the time, more in the “doing” rather then in the “being”, running on automatic pilot? Do you fill your time with non stop activities and things to do? Do you feel a sense of emptiness or dissatisfaction at the end of the day, wondering what have you accomplished or contributed to? It could be that staying busy is covering up something else, another need that is not met. It could be a method of avoiding dealing with the issue at hand. What is the feeling you are after when you keep busy? Is it joy, satisfaction, a sense of meaning, a sense of pride/accomplishment? What are you avoiding? Feeling empty, guilty, anxious, not good enough? By tuning into your feelings you can tell if the action you are taking is worthwhile and is bringing you where you want to be.

… be it career, a better relationship, peace or balance
http://www.fragrantheart.com/cms/free-audio-meditations/self-esteem/bringing-about-what-you-desire

Holidays can be a time of joy and cheer or a time of overwhelm and disappointment.  I spent some time to reflect on what the holiday season really means to me.  I realized that I want to do what recharges my energy, rather than following blindly what I have done in the previous years. Personally, I like to spend time outdoors, read a good book, bake a cake, contribute my time and energy in a meaningful way, be with close friends, sing, take time to feel gratitude for the things I have in my life and for the lessons learned previously.  If you feel tired, overwhelmed, unmotivated or angry, chances are you are not doing what makes you happy. You either do things because you “have to” or because you run on automatic pilot. What about what you “want to”? What about creating a ritual/celebration that works for you this year? What about looking at each day as a clean slate, a white canvas? You are the artist, the painter – you decide what goes on the page and what colors to use.  Whether it is a new year or a new day, you have the freedom to create your own work of art. If you don’t like something you worked on, you can modify it or toss it away.

Sometimes it feels that the journey is too hard, that there are too many challenges or obstacles to surmount, or that it takes too long to achieve what we want.  In moment like those, it is good to remember stories of people who overcame great obstacles and get inspired by their acts of courage.  It could be someone in your family, someone you heard about in the news or in a history book. If they can do it, you can do it.  Personally, I like to think of my grandparents. My paternal grandfather lived in Romania during the second world war. At the time Romania was allied with Germany and the Allied Forces bombed important targets such as the post office, etc…My grandfather’s house was near such a public building. When he came home from work one day his house was rubble and his wife and two young children dead. I can hardly imagine how he felt at that time. He found his inner strength and a few years later he remarried to my grandmother and started a new family.  My maternal grandfather was taken to prison when the Communist regime came to the country, being from a well off family. His wife was informed only a few weeks later. He had no idea what it will happen to him but he never lost hope to see his family again, and he did that, a year later. He is now in his 90s, is independent and enjoys traveling through Europe. When we think of great acts of courage, we get a different perspective on our daily worries, which most often become less significant. We also feel more gratitude for the things we do have in our lives.

What stories inspire and/or give you courage?

Giving and receiving does not always come easy and naturally for some of us. Sometimes we make a conscious effort to reach out and open up. We may share a difficult challenge or feeling with a close friend, or we can look into ways to volunteer and share our resources with someone in need. Other times, the situation finds us without us looking for it. Maybe a friend, neighbour or family member needs our help. The receiver will learn to rely on others, be more acceptant of things outside of his/her control and the giver  learns that sometimes it is enough to just hold the space with love and compassion without rushing the recovery process or trying to make the pain/suffering go away. Once you open up to receive, you are more willing to give in return and to be grateful. Once you start giving, you become more compassionate with yourself as well.

 

When was the last time you built a sand castle or made bubbles at the beach? Or played in a pile of colored leaves that fell down and picked a few to press them in a book? How about last time you made a snow angel or started a snowball fight? When we were children those things came naturally to us. Why stop as adults? Why deny ourselves the joy of spontaneous play? You may tell yourself you are a responsible adult with work and chores to do, no time for play.  Play and fun are integral parts of life – they make us more joyful and relaxed, help us be in the moment and in the flow.